THERE WERE NEVER IN THE WORLD TWO OPINIONS ALIKE

LEFT WING NOTES

LEFT WING NOTES

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Contributed by Annoymous.
May or may not study political economy.

(Disclaimer: the following views are not necessarily the views held by this publication)

Malcolm Turnbull
A liberal pretending to be Liberal so the Liberal party won’t think he’s too liberal. But is in fact a Liberal pretending to be liberal so that the general population won’t think he’s too Liberal. Let’s all just accept that Malcolm is not in fact in the middle, and realise that charm>substance errytime. #marrymeMalcolm

Vegetarianism
Those of us who accept the UN conspiracy that is climate change are also convinced by a report by that same (inconveniently influential) body finding that the Western appetite for meat and dairy products is unsustainable. Thus the revelation that your bacon habits will probably kill you faster was actually morbidly satisfying. Just become vegetarian bitches, pls – I’m sure Malcolm will subsidise our almond milk.

Boat people
I do so love that term. I think everyone should be labelled according to their method of arrival, which coincidentally makes me a vagina person. Sadly, these days labels are more unfashionable than crocs with socks, so that probably won’t happen, but all I’m saying is that we vagina people need to take a long hard look at our tendency to inflict mental illness on desperate people.

The Melbourne Cup
The President of the USyd Young Liberals posted this status following Melbourne Cup: “Melbourne Cup. Decried as egregious animal cruelty and lauded as a triumph for women all in the same day. The #holierthanthous must be perplexed and bewildered”. Perhaps our favourite President doesn’t realise that, given women are not animals, the two issues are in fact separate. #cleverhashtags

Gay marriage
The nightmarish possibility of a plebiscite which will very possibly legalise gay marriage is upon us. As a straight person this issue is causing me so much concern, given the massive effect on my life. Other people publicising and affirming their happiness and commitment has always made me very resentful, and the more people that can legally do so the more unavoidably single I am.

keep-left

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