THERE WERE NEVER IN THE WORLD TWO OPINIONS ALIKE

QUIZ: Who The Bloody Hell Are You?

QUIZ: Who The Bloody Hell Are You?

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Tim Jackson is Mon Droit‘s resident sorting hat.

QUESTION ONE: Do you love freedom?

a) Freedom is a capitalist fiction! True freedom can be found in the Gulags.

b) Freedom isn’t bad, but it’s certainly no ~social justice~

c) Freedom is okay, but it’s certainly no Jesus (Y)

d) Freedom isn’t free.

e) Freedom is the greatest thing in the world!!!1!!!

QUESTION TWO: When you say “freedom,” you mean…

a) Freedom from the materialism thrust upon us by property ownership. We will only be truly free when we join hands and imbibe mescalin.

b) Freedom to organise, man. It’s just not right that I’m only paid $28 an hour to “research” for the Transport Workers’ Union.

c) The liberty to construct large crosses at all major intersections.

d) Freedom from ISIS/The Pope/Free Trade Agreements.

e) If the government won’t allow me to freebase heroin while firing my AR-15 wildly into the sky, the state is obviously fascistic and needs to be abolished.

QUESTION THREE: Okay then, what do you think about gay marriage?

a) Marriage is a construct designed to oppress women! That said, I changed my profile picture so everyone knows I support it.

b) This is the defining cause of our time. When Bill Shorten legalises gay marriage he’ll be come more mportant than Martin Luther King.

c) Look, I’m still getting over no-fault divorce. I’m sitting this one out.

d) I’m not sure if it’s a “western liberal value.” I’ll make my decision as soon I figure out if gay marriage will let me bomb Syria.

e) Gay marriage today, compulsory fluoridation of marriage tomorrow. Just abolish it!

QUESTION FOUR: This isn’t going well. How about the environment?

a) I have recently endorsed cannibalism as an alternative to harming our precious national environment.

b) I support moderate policies that will recalibrate our sustainability matrix. Presumably a tax would accomplish this goal, but an E-T-S-is-not-a-tax, amiright?

c) On the one hand, God made the earth. On the other hand, he made me. This seems to be a wash.

d) Look, we invented Agent Orange for a reason, and that reason was to destroy national parks.

e) The market has valued the environment as most valuable when is it built into a Chinese skyscraper.

QUESTION FIVE: Okay since you’re all crazy, any final thoughts?

a) Could you please sign my petition?

b) Remember, Luke Foley is a visionary.

c) You seem like a nice kid; have you considered the Moore Theological College?

d) Support our troops. Like, don’t do anything to help them, just put together aid kits or some thing and remind friends of the sacrifice they make whenever drunk on George Street.

e) If you don’t agree with me, you’re a godless communist.

    RESULTS

Mostly A – then you are a DISGUSTING GREENIE. Please go to pretty much anywhere in the Arts faculty and start complaining about your parents.

Mostly B – then you are a LABOR HACK. Please go to the cheapest bar you can find and brag about your sweet staffing job.

Mostly C – then you are a JESUS FREAK. Please go to the non-denominational prayer space and barricade the doors so Catholics can’t get in.

Mostly D – then you are a WARMONGERING REDNECK. Please find the nearest rifle range, and congratulate everyone there for their patriotism.

Mostly E – then you are a MRA LIBERTARIAN. Please find the nearest computer and never leave the internet.

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